Garrett Ward

"Godzilla vs. Kong" (2021): A Rollercoaster of Monster Madness, Light on Logic, Heavy on Destruction So you thought you'd sit down with a bowl of popcorn and enjoy some giant monster mayhem, huh? Well, grab that popcorn and prepare to choke on it, because Godzilla vs. Kong is a relentless assault on your senses, your logic, and possibly your dignity as a moviegoer. First off, this movie is like an 8-year-old smashing their two favorite action figures together, and then throwing in a blender for good measure. You want plot? Oh, you sweet summer child. The film’s storyline is like a desperate Hail Mary of pseudoscience and melodrama, all in the service of getting a giant lizard and an oversized ape to duke it out. Scientists mumble about Hollow Earth like it's something we should all casually accept, as if there’s a Groupon for weekend trips there. And somehow, Kong is chilling with humans like he’s taking a gap year from being a jungle god. Sure, why not? But who cares about plot when you've got a gorilla punching a radioactive lizard in the face, right? The fights are like watching a WrestleMania match where both combatants forgot the rules. Godzilla charges up his atomic breath like he's got a solar panel installed, while Kong somehow manages to find a glowing axe (because, of course, we needed a glowing axe) that matches Godzilla’s energy signature. I’m pretty sure physics had a panic attack and left the room long before the first punch was thrown. And let's talk about the humans. Why are they even here? They’re like background extras that accidentally wandered onto the wrong set. You've got characters mumbling about conspiracies like they’re guest-starring on an alien documentary, and others looking really, really surprised that the giant nuclear lizard is wreaking havoc again. Shocker. It's like they’re competing for the “Most Useless Human Character in a Monster Movie” award. Yet, for all its absurdity, Godzilla vs. Kong is undeniably fun. It’s like watching two very angry buildings argue. The spectacle is pure, unfiltered chaos—a giant ape riding in on a helicopter (oh yeah, that happens), and Godzilla carving up skyscrapers like he's redecorating the city with lasers. Every time you think it can’t get crazier, the movie says, “Hold my beer,” and then sets the beer on fire. So, if you're looking for a film that respects your intelligence, keep scrolling. But if you want to see two titans beating the living daylights out of each other while the plot spirals wildly out of control, then this is the cinematic dumpster fire for you. Just don’t expect any deep messages or realistic character arcs—you’re here for the spectacle, the sound and fury of massive monsters throwing down like it’s their last day on Earth. And in that respect, Godzilla vs. Kong delivers in spades, and maybe even a glowing axe or two.

"Transformers: Rise of the Beasts" is a chaotic, overblown mess that does little more than tarnish the legacy of a once-beloved franchise. It’s as if the creators thought throwing in a bunch of flashy CGI and a few nostalgia-driven cameos could mask the fact that the plot is paper-thin, the dialogue is cringeworthy, and the characters are as one-dimensional as the metallic monsters they drive. The film’s storyline, if you can even call it that, is predictable and lacks any real depth or creativity. Instead of engaging us with a fresh narrative, we're treated to yet another rehash of the same tired "aliens must save Earth from annihilation" plotline. It’s clear that the focus was on creating explosive set pieces rather than a cohesive story. Visually, the movie is a noisy eyesore. The CGI is impressive, sure, but it’s used so excessively that it quickly becomes overwhelming. The action sequences lack any sense of pacing or rhythm, turning what should be thrilling moments into incoherent visual noise. It’s like watching a blender on high speed filled with bolts and wires—frantic and exhausting. The characters—both human and robotic—are painfully underdeveloped. The attempts at humor feel forced, the emotional moments fall flat, and the actors seem like they're phoning it in. Even the Autobots and Decepticons, who once carried a sense of weight and personality, are reduced to mere caricatures here. And the new additions, like the Maximals, are barely given the screen time or development needed to make a meaningful impact. At the end of the day, "Rise of the Beasts" is a blatant cash grab, relying on brand recognition rather than any genuine effort to tell a compelling story. It’s a soulless spectacle that leaves fans longing for the days when the Transformers actually felt like characters and not just shiny action figures smashing into each other. Save your time and money—this is a beast better left unseen.

Review of "Civil War" (2024) I walked into "Civil War" with high expectations, given the premise and the talent involved, but I left the theater feeling utterly betrayed. This film is not just a disappointment; it’s a glaring misfire that squandered its potential at every turn. First off, the writing is atrocious. The script is riddled with clichés and tired tropes that feel like they were pulled from a 1990s action movie. The dialogue is stilted and painfully on-the-nose, lacking any depth or nuance. Characters are introduced with little to no backstory, making it impossible to care about their motivations. Instead of exploring the complexities of conflict, the film resorts to cheap emotional manipulation, which only left me rolling my eyes. The pacing is another major flaw. The film drags in the first act, filled with unnecessary exposition, only to rush through crucial plot points in the second half. It’s as if the filmmakers were unsure how to balance character development with action, leading to a jarring and disjointed viewing experience. By the time the climax rolled around, I felt completely disconnected from the stakes. Visually, "Civil War" attempts to create an epic atmosphere, but it falls flat. The cinematography is bland, failing to capture the intensity of the conflict. Action sequences, which should have been the film’s highlight, are poorly choreographed and confusing. Instead of gripping battles, we’re treated to a series of chaotic cuts that lack coherence, robbing any sense of urgency or excitement. The performances are another disappointment. While the cast boasts some talented actors, they are completely let down by the material. Characters are one-dimensional, and the actors struggle to inject any life into their roles. It’s frustrating to watch talented individuals flounder due to poor writing and direction. Finally, the film's themes are muddled and poorly executed. "Civil War" aims to tackle serious issues of division and conflict, but it does so in a superficial way that lacks any real insight. Instead of fostering meaningful discussion, it presents a simplistic and reductive view of its subject matter. The ending, which should have offered some resolution or reflection, felt more like a lazy cop-out. In summary, "Civil War" is a prime example of how not to make a film. It’s a tangled mess of bad writing, poor pacing, and wasted talent. I walked in hoping for a thought-provoking experience, but I walked out feeling angry and disappointed. Save your money and your time—this film is not worth it.

I don't think this program is suitable for children under the age of 18, as it promotes illegal street racing. Also, children will learn improper dietary information due to the characters having a steady diet of hotdogs, and cake. Also, daisy duck, and donald duck constantly not covering their genitalia. Atleast even Minnie is wearing bloomers. Such a disgrace on disney's behalf.