Peter Bayer

Frankly, abysmal. Working off an almost identical template to the original - heroic leader loses his wife fighting against the Roman's yadayada, becomes a slave who becomes a gladiator etc ending up killing his enemy in the coliseum... yadayada loyal followers, turns out *surprise* that the main woman is Lucius' mom (remember Lucius is Maximus' kid yadayada)... or, same old same old. There's the ritual bloodshed as gladiators are speared, hacked, shot and - I shit you not - horned to death by an elephant-sized rhino which has been reverse engineered to become a horse and ... enough! This was just so much repetitive, predictable, poorly acted dross it gave me a Titanic deja vu ... in other words, what a load of undiluted bullocks, which not even Denzel Washington could save. At the point where the screechingly camp Caesar hands control of Rome to a monkey, that's where I regretted wasting an hour and a half of my life and switched it off. Abominable.

In a word, embarrassing. That Bruce Willis - suffering from aphasia - is rolled out as a "marquee name" to add bums to seats is exploitation of the highest order by greedy producers. I got through 15 imitates before switching off in every sense of the phrase.

This has to be the worst version of a really overdone movie template. As abominable as the script is, the directing is even worse. The acting is rank amateur at best, dialogue is beyond cheesy throughout and the array of repetitive cliches is staggering. Sadly, the overriding memory of this dog is the depths you which Bruce Willis's career has sunk. His aphasia limits him to three-word monosyllabic sentences and the odd grunt. This lemon is lacking any saving graces.

Great retro reminder of the Cold War ... right down to evil Chinese mind control experiments and the Bay of Pigs debacle. One downside though: apart from being sort of Barbie pretty, Lucy Boynton managed to surpass Megan Fox in the lack of talent department. Fox at least has two expressions (mouth open. Mouth closed). Boynton like Kristen Stewart has one. The monotone line delivery too is a drone that becomes wearisome. Apart from that, the levels of deception, the secret services of East and west and the array of classic era cars makes for a gripping series.

Finally... a historically accurate look at one of the most misunderstood characters in US history. There are one or two tiny issues - Bonney was about 5 foot five, not a strapping six footer. And he wasn't a ladies' man. For the rest, down to the narrow brimmed hat, this was gripping. I hope there is a second season... Billy and Pat Garrett, while not good buddies, had an interesting relationship and I would love to see this developed.

In a word, deary. Stan Lee must be turning in his grave. Long monologues that say nothing, a smorgasbord of accents and ethnicities, has inevitable humour interest character (he wasn't vaguely funny), the tortured love angle .... and of course the overplayed "shiny light" trope... The Avengers franchise is done... but spare us if this is what we can look forward to.

I watched this crock to decide once and for all who is the worst actress in the world... Kristen Stewart or Megan Fox. 10 minutes in, the decision was easy. Fox wins at a canter.

I wanted to see who is the worst actress on the planet. It was a toss-up between Kirsten Stewart and Megan Fox. Ten minutes into this predictable drag, Fox wins by a mile. At least Stewart has two expressions... What an utter crock.

The original was at best weak... a poorly edited attempt to keep the Marvel franchise in sight. On the other hand, Zack Snyder's cut is a masterpiece... dark throughout with odd light moments to keep the audience engaged. Ezra Miller's Flash stole the show ... who would have envisaged a quirky Jewish superhero? Great use of backstories and sidebars. See this one and ignore the abject disappointment offered by the original.

Formulaic nonsense filled with massive gaps in logic and really dreary predictable dialogue. Examples: if aliens had taken over and defeated Earth's defences how did they miss entire airforce bases? Power stations? Communications networks? How does an alien force capable of intergalactic travel lose air battles? Generally poorly acted, with some alien characters swiped off the Battlefield Galactica movie studio props lot, all this movie lacked is groups of zombies looking for brains to eat. In short, banal B-grade drek, with Australian accents.