Dav Punk

Love, loss, memory, longing, stoicism, natural beauty, faith, the natural world, change, dislocation, seasons, resolution and mortality. What it means to be human. This is a wonderful, wonderful film. A meditation on life as seen through the eyes of an ordinary, hard working lumberjack. If this film does not move you then you have a heart of granite. The best film I have seen this year. By some margin.

Oh Elordi, what a ghastly horlicks of a movie. So bad that I got the giggles. It got quite camp towards the end and I kept wanting the creature to break into a song and dance routine. Wearing stockings and heels, obvs. Nothing profound. A couple of scenes kept my attention; the one in front of the Medical Council was the best in the movie. Otherwise: • deviating wildly from the original text • too long by 45 minutes • a script courtesy of AI • actors thinking they are taking part in something worthy when it really isnt • terrible CGI including a mouse from ‘Babe’ and wolves from the Christian Dior Eau Sauvage advert with Jonny Depp • terrible make-up with a facial scar reminiscent of David Bowie that kept moving between scenes I could go on. It is a long list. Overall, I want my Christmas Day evening back.

Oh, Alex. Someone was naughty and stayed up to watch Apocalypse Now, The Deer Hunter and The Killing Fields when Mummy and Daddy told him to go to bed, didn’t he? The central idea encouraged me to spend my loot. Civil War in America? Coming to a news channel near you in November. All good. After that? Photo-journalists in nothing but designer T-shirts mixing it with commando units; novices being let loose and causing death and destruction; no explanation of the conflict; terrible CGI; shopping centre car parks with graffiti and a few shopping trollies passed off for battlefields; wooden dialogue; and characters that no one cares about. I liked the guy with red glasses at the mass grave best. He was cool with his dispatch of the random guy from Hong Kong. Part of me wanted it turn into Shaun of the Dead. No emotional involvement and it was a relief when the fat man got it. The ending was telegraphed about half an hour from the end; passing the Canon-shaped baton on. If you search for Civil War and the Avengers film comes up then go for the latter. Better still, watch the three films on which this VI Formish effort is based and really enjoy what intelligent war-based drama can bring to the debate. Now, lights out, Alex! You have been a very naughty boy staying up so late!

Glass Onion? They forgot to mention tripe in the headline. So sad. So down. I LOVED ‘Knives Out’. I LOVE Daniel Craig. I HATED this dog of a movie. Everything which the first film was, this was not. No charm, no characterisation, stupid storyline and ultimately a complete mis-step for both Craig and the franchise. Indeed, I think it will sink it. One of the worst films I have ever seen I am afraid.

Watch it. Preferably just before bed. And you won’t sleep. For fear that the Front Man is going to turn your bedroom light off and on. And then arrange for your bed to be tipped up. Whilst someone you thought was close to you tries to stab you with a broken bottle. Enough said.