Dominic Croot

Although I have never wanted to watch the Twilight films, after immense peer pressure and a lack good football matches, I decided to shelve my pride and stoop to the level of a thirteen year old girl (I watched the film). My expectations were low. This was a good thing. I was tempted to watch the film on 2x speed, but this would have been cheating the pain. For some reason, the director decided to use an instagram filter for the entire movie. I know that changing the brightness and contrast in films is often done, but it was so unsubtle and consistent in Twilight that it meant the film was hard to enjoy visually. The plot is thick. Sorry! What I actually meant is "the plot is for thick people". The main character instantly falls for the overly inquisitive, make up wearing, monotone speaking vampire, despite friendly, normal men being obviously interested. I get it. Robert Pattinson is a vampire, and every second person would walk 50 marathons for 5 minutes with him, but for those of us who aren't distracted by his looks, it is clear to see this script is awful. Although Robert Pattinson does have a good attempt at being a vampire, casting a 22 year old to play a school kid, is always a mistake. This movie is another example of this type of mistake, as Pattinson doesnt convince me for a moment that he is school age (I understand that he is playing a 107 year old vampire but my point still stands). The special effects are ludicrous. The part where Cullen is carrying Bella on his back is hilariously bad. The audio dubbing is badly done and the score sounds like it was written be a fairly talented 11 year old. The concept had the potential to create a moving story about eternal love, unfortunately this potential wasnt realised. I would say that I hope that the sequels are an improvement, however it wont make a difference to me as I will not be watching them. I watched this film with an open mind but there is only one word for it. Bad.

If you're looking for the perfect cross between thriller and musical 'The Rocky Horror Picture show' isnt for you. The story is poor and the humour warped. The CGI wouldn't look out of place on a year 7's scratch project and the musical score is less consistent than over cooked porridge. In the name of fairness I do have to accept that many do enjoy the music and 'Time Warp' has become something of a cultural phenomenon. Stripping back the eccentricity of the film is the subtle message left below. The investigation into human nature, modern culture and religion is explored in a fascinating way, giving the audience the ability to decide who the true villain of the piece is. If I had to sum up the movie to an outsider I would describe it as the 'life on mars' of film- a subtle poetry that can easily be misconstrued as nonsense. 3 stars