TONY

Well I must be a simpleton with the attention span of a goldfish, as I found this largely difficult to negotiate. Like crossing the Aegean in a rowing boat with one oar. Goes off in all directions, then just goes around and around. Frustrating really, as I had high hopes. It's gorgeous to look at; colours like a Van Gogh wheatfield. But the male characters are all chocolate teapots. Any redeeming features are painted out - with black tar. Dozy dicks one and all. The odious Greek family would have an Orthodox priest searching for a shotgun. Some of the academics in Italian was easier to follow than the English. And I speak no Italian. Any delicacy became brutal. Which may well have been the point. I found it like climbing into a hammock. The fluster and bluster not worth the outcome. It's not that Olivia Coleman and Jesse Buckley fail to shine. Absolutely not. They deliver beautifully - like a man with a van from Interflora. Sunflowers a-gogo, Vincent! Sadly though, another half bottle of Ouzo and I'd have cut off my own ear. I could go on, but I can see you glazing over at the back. There is no lack of talent. It's just .. well, it's like hitting the bullseye, but on the wrong dartboard. See for yourself. Mayor of Simpleton