Michael Scott

Visually and literarily confusing and overall distractingly bland. None of the "whodunit" characters even approach likeable or interesting. Gets 2 stars because Branagh was genuinely enjoyable as Poirot.

A genuinely bad movie. A genuinely terrible Buzz Lightyear movie. Just, wow. I went in with low expectations and still found myself frustrated. The pacing is terrible; there's either a 5 minute establishing act or a 30 minute establishing act. No jokes land, any actual Lightyear lore is retconned, and even my 2 year old wasn't entertained. Would it have been awful to make an ernest fictional-period film? It's the 90s film Andy would have seen, so why doesn't it feel anything like a 90s action film? Oh and SPOILERS, Andy would 100% not have wanted a heroic Buzz Lightyear figure from this movie, considering Buzz IS the movie's villain. A villain who is never referred to as nor holding the position of "Emperor". My god, the absolute low-effort storytelling is staggering. Do not watch. I am worse for having seen it. Only ranks above "Last Airbender" for me because I didn't physically vomit from how terrible it was. Barely.

It was definitely a movie I saw. Not on a Morbius level, but I just kind of felt like nothing, which is weird because this movie made some bold moves that I appreciated. First off, it's so tonally inconsistent in the first 2/3 that it has zero vibe. As usual, Korg is a treat, but everything and everyone else just felt like things happening rather than a story being told. Imagine the tone jumping from Thor 3 but to the nth degree. I will say, the final act was solid, with none of that painful Marvel/Waititi serious-moments-undercut-by-cringe-humor that dominated the film up until then. Hemsworth does well as Thor when he's actually playing Thor and not some idiotic cartoon parody of Thor. As usual, he and Portman have little-to-no onscreen chemistry, but it's way more obvious this time around with her more prominent role. That said, the story for Jane is actually there, but suffering from a lack of focus and tone. Bale's performance is as good as it can be with a story that doesn't have the consistent tone for him to contribute to it. He owns his scenes, and his story is suitably dark, way more than I thought Marvel would go for. SPOILERS: I genuinely surprised they went with the "Jane has cancer" storyline (I wasn't aware of this prior to seeing it). And with legitimate consequences to boot! I've noticed that female superhero/fantasy stories in the last several years feature a protagonist that has no physical or emotional flaws and defeats all her problems super easily (this is coming from someone who genuinely enjoyed Captain Marvel). It feels like over-compensation on Hollywood's part, and to see a female character with real struggles is surprising enough, but for her to actually DIE for her efforts; wow. I'm impressed. Real loss gives the story weight, though too little too late for this specific movie. Regardless, it gives me hope that men AND women can have tangible heroes to look up to, flaws and all. We're hoping for a little girl as our next child, and I don't want either of my kids growing up thinking they're infallible or indestructible. I may not have loved this movie, but that was a welcome change of pace. I hope that this movie's potentially weird reception won't hurt that. Bottom line, it felt like Waititi had a little too much free reign with this one, but I still have high hopes that can be handled better in the inevitable sequel. Some cool moments, but definitely less than the sum of its parts.

What the actual what. I legitimately gave this show so much leeway to suck and it still disappoints. It thinks its smarter than it is, and tries to tackle outdated themes that have been better handled by more modest productions. The characters were flat, barely justifying the one thing they did before taking to their quarters for the remainder of the show's runtime. I honestly don't know how it's as bad as it is. It's not even the character or universe derailedment that kills it; it's the piss poor writing and pacing. Not even newcomers could find something to like. Why is the dog on the cover art? HE'S BARELY IN THE SHOW. SPOILER: Why would they spend the entire show foreshadowing Data's return just to kill him again? In the exact scene where he comes back??!? I'm actually against bringing back dead characters, even with the crappy way they killed him in Nemesis, but this is somehow EVEN WORSE. 0/10