B. Mason

Rachel Zegler, the 23 year old who thinks she can tell the world what to do, said of this film, "The Winged Victory was brought to the Louvre in pieces (it was), and people still lined up to see it. Even though I have cracks and flaws (voice changes to Jedi Mind Trick tone), you will ALL LINE UP TO SEE ME!!!" They haven't and the film is on track to lose $115 MILLION dollars, one of the WORST FLOOS EVER. Snow White opened to 68 million and then dropped off over 70% in week 2. Any film that drops off over 60% is considered a box office bomb. There is a social media trend of people filming COMPLETELY EMPTY THEATERS playing this film to 1 or 2 patrons. It's so awful it almost makes you forget Cats.

At just under two and a half hours, this movie is an hour too long. That's Cloud Atlas long, not Interstellar long. The humor is great but can't make up for the tedious, dragging, repetitive anchor of the same underlying-theme scene repeated over and over with the bad girl wearing ever so slightly different goofy costumes. Again and again we are hammered: your mommy didn't love you right and it messed you up. OK, OK, we GET it. Borrows heavily with no shame and zero thanks from Edge of Tomorrow and The Matrix. Actors are great; JLC is a panic. But there simply isn't enough groovy-effects multiverse travel to keep it afloat for 140 minutes. Get some therapy and leave 55 more minutes on the cutting room floor.

Olivia C.'s character is wildly inconsistent for no reason in EVERY SCENE; zero explanations given in over 2 hours as to her sociopathic, psychopathic, unfeeling, uncaring, selfish, inexplicably self-destructive, home-wrecking, cheating, stupid actions except "the kids are suffocating me." Screaming to the room in one scene, sleeping with a stolen doll in the next, being attacked by tormentors who are NEVER REVEALED in the next, to awkwardly flirting with every male and female on this Greek island, over and over and over and over and over and over again in a never-ending hamster wheel of stupidity. If not being able to THIS ONE TIME not finish masturbating is sufficient motivation for a lifetime of mistreating and coldly abandoning everyone in your life, then this is the film for you. Yes we got the symbolism: fruit & dollie are pretty on the outside, but rotting on the inside. Oooh that's deep. Do not walk, RUN away from this film. Hideous waste of time.

Stops just short of Barney the Dinosaur leaping out a la the Kool-Aid Man to lead the paper-thin characters in 4 or 5 rounds of "I love you, you love me..." as poorly-timed music clips from prior installments play herky-jerky in a fizzled attempt to mimic Kaiser Permanente commercials and distract viewers from the laughable acting, Mack truck--sized plot holes, obscene, pointless, heretical use of Carrie Fisher, the frenetic, uneven pacing, grotesque dialog, and a complete lack of resolution to any major theme from the previous films. Silly, predictable pablum that creates more questions than it answers and will leave even the most casual Star Wars fan seething as they ache for a *real* conclusion.