Sydney Holt

Never have I been offended by a movie like I’ve been offended by Moonfall. Somehow, they took aliens, Dyson spheres, AI, interstellar travel, and government coverups, and made it boring. Imagine putting the script of interstellar through google translate 15 times and then making a movie based off of that. Take some of the worst acting and scientific in accuracies and you have Moonfall. This script was written by flat earthers. You can tell because there was not more than 15 minutes of cursory google searching done in preproduction. If the makers of the movie had googled, they would know that you can calculate mass and predict planetary movement with the formula of F=G(m1•m2)/r^2 . That’s a formula I learned in 10th grade. They would also know that delta velocity/acceleration = 1 and is the most redundant expression to have ever been written. You can’t just throw Greek on a paper and expect it to make sense, you posers. The makers of this movie watched a 5 minute video on Dyson spheres and then decided they were authorities on them. Repeat after me: DYSON SPHERES (if they were to exist) ARE BUILT AROUND MASSIVE STARS. IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE FOUND A DYSON SPHERE, YOU SHOULD NOT FLY INTO IT UNLESS YOU WANT A DEADLY BLAST OF IONIZING RADIATION AND YOUR SKIN REMOVED FROM YOUR BODY. ALSO, STARS ARE BIGGER THAN THE MOON. It blows my mind that the budget of this movie is $146 mil. If you have me that much money, I could make 146 million movies because the only equipment I would need to make a movie better than this is my friends and an iPhone. Also, massive point reduction for the huge Space-X ads inserted every 20 seconds. If I were Elon Musk, I’d be embarrassed to have my name anywhere near this movie. As a writer, aspiring astrophysicist, and sane member of society, this movie has dealt incurable psychic damage. It’s my moral duty to warn you of this abomination masquerading as a movie. Save yourselves, it’s too late for me. I’ve lost brain cells and Sir Isaac Newton is rolling in his grave. I now understand what Nikola Tesla meant when he said we will live to see man-made horrors beyond our comprehension.