Alan Best

The best bit of the film is undoubtedly when, as part of the films triumphant ‘attacking/ winning ‘ their alien enemies scene , Kirk plays ‘Sabotage ‘ by the Beastie Boys. If you love people in rubber masks running around ,snarling and trying to get their rubber hands on all powerful and popular plot vehicle ,magic crystals (or whatever) - then this the movie for you. The CGI is all good but so is the PlayStation. As expected for Trekkies there is the homage scene to the late Leonard Nimmoy. However ,I’m afraid this film left me bored .All that the banging and clashing and even a ‘flying’ Captain Kirk(? on a Gravity slipstream…. Of course!)- didn’t make an iota of difference to feeling slightly relieved when the film finally ended.

Curiosity got the better of me watching this and I unfortunately persisted with it until it reached its uninspired withering turgid conclusion . The conclusion I drew, from George Clooney’s Gravity inspired space monotony, is - in space , like this film the pace is mind numbingly slow. The plot ? A space ship returning to a dead earth with Clooney in the snow back at the arctic weather station. There is a slight twist at the end which didn’t result in the desired effect upon me . I had past caring . I’ll not spoil it for anyone . Clooney and Gravity -already has.

There are things that you can get back in life ... money,fitness even love... However you will never get back the time you wasted watching this catastrophically awful bilious film. The actors must have pissed themselves making this film whilst delivering dialogue so monstrously pathetic. The script was peppered with so much gratuitous profundity that is was an insult to the English speaking world. If you never wish to see another Hollywood offering again - watch this - it will put you off ever going the cinema again...