Callum Millo

My life will never be the same again... This is an intense story that involves the velocipastor, Allison chaney, and my incredible transformation. Beware, this movie is not for the light hearted, the complex writing, terrorfying atmosphere and EXTREMELY realistic CGI will have you hanging barely from the edge of your seat. I Had to go through countless sleepless nights, shaking in fear, waiting for the VelociPastor to tear off my head. It knows the crimes I am guilty of, that freddo I stole from a corner store, that poor man I did a knock and run on, that penny I stole off the floor. This was until I read Allison Chaneys review and it changed me, im a new man. The world's first Velociman. Maybe I scared a few people with my VelociPastor costume, you see I can't afford plastic surgery so I had to paint myself grey, wear cardboard cut out wings and apply red lipstick. To quote the legendary review "god is real a d he is the velocipastor" and as the Velociman, I will spread his word. Anyway, the film, honestly the writing is beyond anything I've ever seen, the velocipastor might be the most complex character since the witches in Macbeth and the soundtrack oooooo, I sing and dance to a gospel version of it when I'm driving to church. The church of the velocipastor. Sometimes I get so carried away in my singing, I cause severe car crashes. Its all worth it and I'm sure the victims of my crashes agree. I used to blast a heavy metal version of the velocipastor theme tune In my old apartment until my neighbors got jealous and the landlord evicted me. Once, I got so into the song that I smashed straight through my living room wall, that may have been the final straw that got me evicted. The film had an incredible ending although I'm disappointed the the velocipastor was only a companion and not a lover. Anyway, I'm so glad the whopping 30k budget pays off with the increble CGI and honestly, I'm never gonna look ant any Hollywood move the same again and when you watch this film, you won't either.