I think the emotional and psychological abuse that the female main character suffers is entirely too much for you to actually find the romantic parts, pleasurable or simply romantic. This was a “finding herself story” through unconventional sensual experimental methods , non consensual and twisted intimacy.
Needless to say this is definitely a toxic relationship that was doomed for failure from the start. There wasn’t enough character building. Not enough substance entirely too much taboo fantasies that ultimately seem to cause more harm and confusion than good. It’s a repetitive feeling of ick and frustration.