Sourabh Dharmpurikar

The Archies: A Hot Mess Disguised in Vintage Clothing Where do I even begin? The Archies is a cinematic catastrophe masquerading as a nostalgic coming-of- age story. Firstly, the acting is a masterclass in mediocrity. Let's be generous and say this is everyone's debut film (which isn't entirely true). Even then, the performances are a chore to watch. Suhana Khan sleepwalks through Veronica as if reciting lines in a language class. Her attempt at a "moaning tone" comes across more bored teenager than affluent socialite. Khushi Kapoor's Betty is equally uninspired. Her "refreshing take" is simply awkward, failing to capture any spark of the character. The story itself is a damp squib. Saving a park? Yawn. The "criticism" about the actors must be a joke, because the script gives them absolutely nothing to work with. There's no depth, no wit, just a parade of clichés strung together. And then there's the fashion, the supposed saving grace of this film according to the reviewer. Let's be frank, it's pure costume play. Veronica's wardrobe is a gaudy caricature of wealth, all tight silhouettes and unconvincing furs. As for Betty's "cottagecore aesthetic," it looks more like someone raided their grandma's attic. Where's the connection to the characters or the story? It feels like a cheap attempt to distract from the film's overall lack of substance. Director Zoya Akhtar deserves no praise here. Her "vision" is all surface and no soul. Instead of a captivating experience, we get a hollow imitation of a bygone era. If you're looking for a charming coming-of-age story, look elsewhere. The Archies is a forgettable mess that will leave you longing for something, anything, with a pulse.