John Howie

This is one of the worst movies I have ever sat through. That’s not hyperbole. If you insist on subjecting yourself to this, I’d strongly suggest watching on mute, as by far the best thing to say about this movie is that it looks as good as you would expect from a well-financed sci-fi epic. However, if you want anything beyond pretty pictures to look at, you’re in trouble in literally every other department. I’m not a Star Wars geek (although even I can see it, they don’t even try to disguise it), nor a particularly avid fan of the genre in general. I’m more of a middle-of-the-road watcher, but that’s all you need to be to recognise that this is one of the most derivative, trope-laden offences to cinema ever conceived of. It’s just like literally no one tried. Whoever wrote the screenplay maybe just ChatGPTed the whole thing. That’s the only way to explain it. The idea that a professional adult got paid to think this up is mind blowing. The dialogue is so, so predictable. Just think of the most generic, cringy, cliche thing anyone could say in any context of any scene, and that’s exactly what will come out of their mouths. This might be tolerable, if the acting wasn’t just…beyond words. It’s not exactly an all-star cast, but there are recognisable faces, and a couple of recognisable names: more than enough to expect a basic minimum of performance even given the script. No one can do accents, but for some reason, many try. From an early Quasi-Scandinavian(?) attempt that makes no sense given that the actor can’t, and no one else in this community has the same, to Mr Hunnam’s entirely unnecessary, entirely inconsistent, and only somewhat accurate Northern Irish, it’s all bad. And again, just so, so unnecessary. Those who haven’t been directed to waste everyone’s time and patience pretending to sound like they don’t by default, don’t seem to have been given any direction at all. There’s no subtlety on show here. No craft, just a protagonist who doesn’t understand the basic concepts of tone nor emphasis, and a collection of nice looking people who either can’t act, or just can’t be bothered to. Again, watch on mute and you’ll have a nice time. I’m not someone who reviews things. I’m not a troll, not someone with an axe to grind against anyone involved in the production of this, but this movie made me angry, and I felt compelled to warn others.