Aprilham Lincoln

Surprise! This movie sucks! This movie is, "cute"; like the way you'd describe your cousin Debbie's baby...Debbie's baby, by the way, looks like a goat crossbred with Winston Churchill. Sean Penn is good at: punching people, screwing his face into a constipated grimace, and yelling. Madonna is good at: singing (?) , taking off her clothing, and screwing her face into a constipated grimace. It's unfortunate that George Harrison bankrolled this, mostly to showcase his mediocre soundtrack. He should've taken a cue from Pink Floyd and just recorded himself playing in the ruins of some old amphitheater or vomitorium or something. Instead, we get a film full of grandiose, corny death scenes, imaginary drugs and two main characters who are so tiresome you're disappointed they're still alive by the predictable semi happy ending. It's unfortunate that, even though Penn and Madonna were *actually* a couple during the filming, they STILL aren't convincing as a couple. I'm giving it 5 stars

The *real* hero of this movie is the ambulance itself and I'm looking forward to a sequel where the ambulance *successfully* robs a bank and makes it to that tropical island that bank robbers escape to.

This is the best silent film ever made, regardless of the fact that there is much talking. Nic Cage catapults himself into a spectacular auteur-level performance as a man who values the important things in life: driving recklessly, drinking soda and playing pinball. He has no need for words. He annihilates animatronic creatures like a man possessed, and inadvertently becomes a savior in the process. Truly an art piece; an instant classic .5 out of 5, better than Citizen Kane.

If you're looking for the origin story of the movie Ratatouille, this movie probably isn't it. It does, like Ratatouille, illustrate that rodents are still discriminated against in the culinary industry. The real lesson from this film is threefold: First, DO NOT cross Liza Manelli. She had clout and will use it to have you banned from any restaurant she chooses. Second, I feel like the Muppets' difficulty getting their show to Broadway may be a not-so-subtle sign from the Universe, despite their success in doing so. But, I mean, how good WAS their stage act, anyway? Not nearly as good as Nic Cage in Con Air, I can tell you that. Thirdly, and this is the REAL lesson here- Kermit doesn't WANT to marry Ms. Piggy, but apparently she's sufficient enough to keep around as an enforcer (especially since Kermit isn't too proficient in street fighting or Martial arts) This movie is truly epic. It truly is on the level with The Ten Commandments, except with puppets instead of that blowhard Heston. The way the Muppets play out their individual storylines is at once humorous, depressing and as important as Moses leading his people for the forty days and nights. 8/10. Not enough Swedish Chef for a 10.

If you're looking for a mature, yet classic Cage freak out, this movie has that. If you're looking for a slow moving, sometimes corny, yet all around disturbing film, this has that, too. The writing is clumsy, for sure. The plot is sadly predictable. However, the underlying story is so disturbing, that it's worth the often groan worthy dialogue. Also, if you're interested in watching Nic Cage full-on punch women in the face, then this is a masterpiece. I've seen roughly 70 Nic Cage films. This is definitely one of them.