Daylia Olsen

You know it's a good movie when half of the 5 star reviews are sarcastic. That being said, this movie is a cinematic masterpiece. The film directors spent 90% of the budget on a zoom-in on Adam's bones shattering as his arm comes into contact with a door. My only complaint is that I feel the overwhelming urge to throw up whenever I look at Siren's "mermaid tail." It looks like a weird disembodied fish you would find 10,000 feet under the surface of the ocean. Jack Dylan Grazer's best movie role by far. BUT WAIT. Maybe you don't want to see a low budget movie full of self-entitled mermaid bitches who would gladly let the whole world die of cancer. Perhaps you want to witness a murder commited by a 12-year-old girl in cold, unforgiving mermaid blood. Well, you're in luck! A scene from the movie has been transcripted below (by yours truly). "You're forgetting something." Protagonist raises her arms and strains her little mermaid fingers. "Something something blah blah the human body is made of 65% water." A bitter thirst for death glints in her eyes as she shoves her hands towards the Hunter. Murky water pours out of his eye sockets, his body spasming as the unrelenting current of his own bodily fluids choke him. As he collapses into a heap on the ground, Siren's little mermaid friends giggle and congratulate her, asking her to "teach them that trick." They step over his decapitated body, never giving him a second thought.

Listen. It would be a lie to rate this 5 stars. I’m a huge fan of Six of Crows and the Grishaverse, but I was aware going in that the plot would not be as enjoyable as the books. The mashing together of Shadow and Bone and Six of Crows just made the timeline very confusing, and you’ll forget what the characters are trying to do halfway through the show. The Crows’ dynamic is arguably the best part of the show, especially in Season 2 (one might say the only saving grace). This show just isn’t meant for people who haven’t read the books. You have to become emotionally attached to these characters before watching the show - it changes the whole experience. Don’t watch this for the plot; watch this to see the characters come to life on the screen through the phenomenal casting. Instead of watching the show, watch some of the Vanity Fair interviews with the cast. They’re much more enjoyable than the show will ever be, and you’ll grow even more attached to the actors. I would die for Danielle Galligan.