Brady Rogers

Guys. How are there good reviews for this movie. I just. After 2 and a half minutes I paused to see if I could refund my rental, but upon reading the rave reviews I thought surely it must redeem itself if I just invested and kept going. But that time never came. It was the horror movie equivalent of a slice of processed cheese microwaved onto a slice of white bread. It was like if The Room was driving a car with Poltergeist and hit a Monday afternoon stand-up comedian in a MacDonalds parking lot. The resulting cinemagraphic carnage is what you see on screen. Decent acting overlaid with a script written by children who also directed and handled the CGI using Microsoft Paint. Like, they did well all things considered and you're proud of them, but it's the theatrical embodiment of a finger painting you put on your fridge for a few weeks until you can discretely throw it away without them noticing. Like. Why. Literally the scariest part is that I can no longer trust rotten tomatoes to tell me if a horror movie is good.