Ali Khat

I tuned in to All's Fair after seeing the line-up of incredible (well, *mostly* incredible, Kim Kardashian aside) actors in the show. Only to discover that it utterly wasted both my time and their talents. I suppose a show like All's Fair would have been popular back in the heyday of Dynasty and Dallas, when gawking at the eye candy of the lifestyles of the rich and infamous, as overacted by a ridiculously over-primped and coiffed cast, was all that was needed to guarantee a hit. But, now, in the midst of of an escalating economic crisis, when millions of people are struggling to even get food, a show of this kind seems almost shockingly tone-deaf. Not that a show about the rich can't be good. But All's Fair lacks the wit, the depth, or the sense of irony of shows like Succession or Billions; both of which were smart enough to present the 0.01% with a jaundiced view that revealed their innate venality, greed, and absurdity. All's Fair, by contrast, takes all this vapid excess and presents it as ennobling "girl power". Getting back to the cast, it is chockfull of stellar talent, like Glenn Close, Sarah Paulson, Naomi Watts, and Niecy Nash. As well as a steady stream of celeb guest stars, like Judith Light and Brook Shields. So, it boggles the mind that the star of the series, the person at the center of the story, is played by Kim Kardasian, who has apparently managed to inject herself with everything save acting ability. Watching her attempt to emote is painful. Her line readings are so wooden one could mill them into particle board. In a cameo, as one of the divorcees, that might have been okay. As the star of the series, it's bafflingly not. The worst thing about the show, however, is that it's excruciatingly badly written and dead boring.The cast is forced to blurt out awful dialog and the plot (such as it is) is predictable, repetitive and trite. Mind you, it's a Ryan Murphy production, so one goes into these things expecting wildly over-the-top everything. But, while that can work with a gothic horror story, with a tale about divorce lawyers, it just seems dated and dumb. I only saw the first episode. It was, honestly, all I could do just to get through that. Maybe it improves later on. But, from what I saw, I wouldn't bet on it. So, sorry, All's Fair, but I'm leaving you for other streaming choices, citing irreconcilable dreariness.

Somewhere along the line Steven Knight forgot he was writing an adaptation of Charles Dickens' Great Expectations and instead gave us Taboo, season 2. Genuinely dreadful, borderline embarrassing. Only Olivia Colman manages to get out of this with any dignity intact, and even then, just barely. It would be one thing to create an adaptation updated to modern times. Then the writer could do whatever he wanted with the characters and dialogue. But, as it is, this bloated, hulking hybrid of Victoriana and "edgy", modern slang-infested grit just plays as a six-hour platform for Knight's personal fetishes and obsessions. Avoid it, if you can.

For a musical to work you need to have at least two main ingredients: Characters you can care about and really good (hopefully great) music. Up Here fails on both accounts. It's a real pity, because musicals are so seldom attempted for television and this one has a solid cast. Unfortunately, they're let down by spectacularly bad writing, a dreary, repetitive plot, and characters who run the gamut from selfish and self-absorbed, to boorish, to cartoonish, to just plain dull. The music is a miasma of bouncy, pop drivel and witless lyrics that are about as memorable as a seventy character password. I defy anyone to hum any of them from memory (the finale excluded, simply because it's repeated over the opening credits of Every. Single. Episode.). There's only one really good number in the whole show; a Christmas ballad that marvelously lampoons Holiday love songs with poison pen accuracy. Unfortunately, the viewer would have to suffer through nearly the entire series to get to it and I can't say the effort would be worth the prize. In all, Up Here is a disappointment. When it comes to getting my TV musical fix, I'm still waiting for season 2 of Schmigadoon.