Geordie Hicks

This movie gets its one star for technically having a beginning, middle and end, even if the beginning is hot turds, the middle: turds lukewarm, and the end: cold turds. If you like to eat poo, grab a spoon and a bib because this movie is an all you can eat buffet. The amount of explosions would inspire even Michael Bay to new heights. Gina Davis has the most wooden delivery of badly written lines in the history of film. Spoiler alert: there IS a monkey. So that’s fun! Fun extra, in the version I watched the subtitles have the villain named Dawg, rather than dog the Pirate. It adds a certain gangster flair to everything he says and for this, I would strongly recommend adding the subtitle track. I never in my life thought I would have anything nice to say about pirates of the Caribbean, but cutthroat island is so bad it makes PotC look like pure art in motion. In closing, if you’re one of the people who wrote a five star review of this movie, you should take a serious critical look at your life. You are making bad choices.