Chet Williamson

First film in a theatre in 2 years, and what do we see? CYRANO. And how did we feel? Disappointed. Love the story. Love Peter Dinklage. Didn't love the script, which replaced the deliriously romantic Brian Hooker translation with lame paraphrases. Didn't love Roxanne, who evinced none of the qualities that would have endeared her to Cyrano or even Christian. REALLY REALLY HATED THE LAME, DUMB, RIGHT-OUT-OF-THE-BOTTOM-OF-THE-TRUNK MUSIC. Anytime anyone threatened to wax emotional and express the romance that needs to surround this story, the hideous, blundering score kicked in, with its pop repetitive lines that just droned over and over, and the worst lyrics ever written for a screen musical (yes, I know this was adapted from a *stage* musical, but who saw it?). Roxanne: "I need more...I need more..." Oh shut up. The music is filled with lame hooks, terminal melisma, three-note ranges, dreadful (rather than just imperfect) rhymes...I could go on and on. The choreography is utterly laughable, as is the song three soldiers "sing" before meeting their deaths, and deGuiche's "I'm so nasty and here's why" song is equally gigglingly painful. The plot is changed (a 3-year gap separates the last act rather than a 15-year gap; Cyrano's death is changed and weakens his character, etc.) and the romance is thoroughly sucked, Hoover-like, out of one of the most romantic stories ever told. In short, no panache.