Robert Mangan

Honestly, I'm not one for writing reviews, but after watching The Long Walk, I feel compelled to warn potential viewers. After settling into the cinema, I was looking forward to what seemed like it could be an intriguing thriller or horror film. Sadly, I was swiftly disappointed. **SPOILERS AHEAD** The film opens with what appears to be an overly dramatic farewell between a mother and her son. She’s saying goodbye for a couple of days while he embarks on The Long Walk — a gruelling journey where he either “loses” and returns home, or “wins” by reaching the end. The mother’s emotional reaction feels odd at first, but you might assume it’s because she’s protective and doesn’t want her son to get hurt. However, it quickly becomes clear that this isn’t the case. Apparently, these young adults are entering The Long Walk fully aware that they’re likely going to die. Who in their right mind would willingly sign up for that? You’d think there would be some backstory explaining why — perhaps a post-apocalyptic America after a devastating war. But wait... where’s the explanation of the war? Why is America in such a dire state that people would knowingly risk their lives in a contest of certain death? With the group knowing that only one person can win and the rest will die, you’d naturally expect the participants to sabotage each other — tripping, taunting, or otherwise undermining their competitors to gain an edge. But no. In fact, there’s only one person in the entire film who causes another character’s death — and they do so simply by being a jerk right at the start. The poor victim is then brutally shot in the head, giving us the first taste of gore. This immediately told me what kind of film it was going to be: stupidly gory and gross. Not only is it excessively gory, it’s also revolting for no real reason other than shock value. If you don’t like bodily fluids, stay well clear. While no one vomits in this film, fluids from the other end are, quite literally, shown to us in unnecessary detail. It adds nothing to the story and simply feels disgusting for the sake of it. Speaking of story — it’s a loose one at best. The main character apparently wants to kill the General (the main antagonist) because the General once conducted a random house visit, dragging the protagonist’s father into the street and offering him a chance to pledge allegiance to the cause (which is never properly explained). From that point, the protagonist’s sole motivation is to win The Long Walk in order to get close to the General and kill him. That’s it — that’s the entire reason we’re given for his determination to survive. There are around fifty other participants, each supposedly with their own reasons for joining, but most of their stories are never explored before they’re inevitably killed off. The few that are explained fall so flat that it’s impossible to feel any empathy towards them. As a result, every death feels meaningless, because there’s simply no emotional connection to anyone. At this point, I’m honestly tired of even writing about it, so I’ll summarise my thoughts below: 1. Little to no solid storyline 2. Non-existent character development 3. No emotional connection to the characters, making every death meaningless 4. Overly gory and gross for no purpose 5. Weak, unsatisfying ending 6. A complete waste of money and time