Adam Kralic

It is not a comedy. I think it’s important to state that upfront as I believed it to be an action movie spoof for a good 25 minutes before realizing there were no jokes. It’s a 60 year old black woman President of the USA beating up men half her age with three times her muscle mass. Repeatedly. It is not a spoof. You will want these moments of your life back…you have been warned.

This movie was gawd awful. I don’t see it as woke or anti-woke…I see it as lazy, poorly written and embarrassing to watch. Everyone is an extreme version of a human. They are either an 11 for “toxic masculinity” or an 11 for “snowflake liberal” Really that’s it.

Where to start? I really did not care who won. The story leaves about a gazillion loose ends too. Spoilers alert…. 1. Why did the Sheriff owe money? Gambling? Drug habit? Nope…no reasons given. 2. Why were judges…judges? Because they were picked and they get paid a little bit? Ok fine…why would the rich kid agree? He drives a gd Audi A4 and he is 18…a couple of grand means nothing to him. 3. Speaking of the rich kid…when the girl steals the panic money…he sells his A4 to replace the money…but it’s supposed to be 50k. Nobody would pay 50k even for a brand new A4…let alone a used one. A dealer MIGHT give him 20k…and that would be generous. 4. Who hit Dodge’s sister and paralyzed her? Nope they never tell. 5. Back to the sheriff…ok he owes someobody money for some reason…and that is why he runs panic…why not just steal the money? You can leave a note telling the teenagers to take the money to “x” locations for the next challenge…and then just take the money 20 minutes before. Or just take it from whomever has it. (Sheriff knows everyone/everything…he’d definitely know who had the money) 6. Why would the sheriff’s son kill himself? Because his Dad was being an arse to his gf so that the son could win? Why not win the game. Take the money…and run off to Mexico with your gf? That is literally just scratching the surface of the issues with the show. this show made no gd sense.

Meh. Just seems like a pointless movie with massive plot holes. For example: So no superhero on Earth is aware of the Eternals? Despite them being very open about their power use in front of humans? Despite the futuristic outfits they wore for thousands of years? Seriously? Another massive plot hole: a celestial needs to feed on a certain number of human life’s before being birthed? Then when birthed the entire plant is destroyed by a celestial baby that is about the height of the planet? What? All the humans on Earth have a tiny amount of combined energy in comparison to the Earth core. A billion humans vs ten billion humans is nothing. It’s like comparing the juice that is created from one orange compared to the juice from every orange orchard on earth combined. Humans are made of the same carbon that exists literally everywhere in our galaxy. We are not unique. That is proven by the fact that celestial seeds are planted in many many many planets. This birthing have happened many many many times. All that being said? If you needed 10 billion humans? Breed us like cattle. Free will is stupid if you just need numbers. We are smarter than celestials. We have billions of cattle now. We did that. Celestials and Eternals? Too stupid to understand basic farming ideas.

It’s not a bad show really...it’s just not a great show. I am one episode from finishing season 1 and I’ve been moderately entertained the entire ride. To the reviewers that give it 5 stars and say the 1 star reviewers don’t get the humor; they get it...they just don’t like it. Does Anyone not get “Karen” jokes? Poop orbiting the ship...too difficult to grasp? A man child CEO is overly complex? This is not high brow humor...you can get all the way off your high horse. Watch it or don’t this is not a show that will be anything more than a decent filler of time.

Slooooooooow. Less epic, more pedestrian than the first movie. What I can’t figure out is why they made it as long as it was...trimming a solid 40 minutes would make it much more popcorn entertainment paced. Spoiler warning: do not read further if you have not seen it or care to... It’s a very drawn out retelling of the monkey’s paw mixed with some Aladdin and a generous helping of grrrrl power flavoring. Decades of source material and they came up with this? That is my biggest gripe really.