Deborah Holmes

Do you own: A knitting needle; ice pick; paring knife? Stay home and stick your sharp instrument in your eye. You'll have a better time than watching this fart in church. Watching a dog pee is more entertaining than Wes Anderson's movie about nothing. Scraping poop off of the sole of your boot would be more fun than sitting through Asteroid City. The pastel 50s nostalgic trailers lured me in. Honestly, just watch the trailers; they're the best part. Seriously...what the heck did I just watch? A roster-full of "A" list movie stars could not avert this trainwreck. Between unavoidable naps I hung in there, for the full one hour and forty-five minute torture session, anticipating a redeeming scene that never happened. The chanting of "Can't wake up until you fall asleep" stirred me from my slumber just in time to get the blood flowing to my numb limbs as the movie ended. Umm...How do you spell pathetic? A-s-t-e-r-o-i-d C-i-t-y. Now, for a good time: Grab a fistful of folding money, and strike a match. Bottom line: Don't go and you won't be sorry.