Nate the Skate

Just Rehydrate it already. At least 30 characters to post a review aye?

The writing is stupid and lazy, the acting is sub-par, most things don't make much sense. This movie is supposed to teach self control and violence is to only be used in self defense, right? Well according to the climax, no. I would give it 2/5, but the message at the end is that violence is okay. MAJOR SPOILERS. Near the end of the movie, the bully takes the necklace from the main character's girlfriend, and breaks it. The girlfriend calls the main character in tears, and tells him what happened. The main character tracks down the bully by going to said bullies friends, and beating them up until they tell him the answer. This is caught on video, and posted on the internet. When the main character finds the bully, he and his dojo are all posing in the dark. Then the main character says he's not alone, and his dojo comes out of no where. Then both dojo's start to fight (No I am not making this up, it is more stupid than it actually sounds). The bully and the main character "duel", and so do the two instructors, and the "good guys" win. The main character tried to beat up a guy because he broke his girlfriends necklace, that is not a good thing, but this movie acts like this was a good reaction. They should have settled it peacefully, but they didn't, they did it violently.

This is just bad, just bad. Very poorly written and doesn't explain things that needed to be explained. If your looking for a movie based of the book, this is only Artemis fowl in name only. Artemis is said to be a criminal genius, but we only see he is a genius by recognizing forgery once, and being told he a genius, that is it. Nothing else, he is more of a lame action movie hero, not a genius. Mulch wasn't bad, had some pretty funny lines. I would recommend if you love watching stupid movies though. (Spoilers from here on out, going from mild to severe spoilers in order). (mild) Mulch is narrating the entire story to the human police.... Why would you do that? How do you tell the parts of the film that you weren't there for? With you on the loose, how have the fairies not been discovered yet? (mild) A troll is throwing around adults, threatening to kill them, and Holy heals the kid that was thrown into the air, and is a little dazed ,yea, thanks Holy. (severe) Why in the heck does Artemis kidnap Holy? In the book he has a perfectly good explanation, but in the movie, he wants their help? He kidnaps Holy, so they will send mulch to steal the super weapon in their own home? Could he not find the super weapon in his home behind a painting? If he wanted their help, it wasn't a good idea to kidnap one of their officers, and basically wage war with them. (severe) We are shown that a time bomb can freeze everything in an area, except the fairies, so why did they freeze THE ENTIRE WORLD (I think? At least that was what was implied) and not fowl manner? In the books, the fairies can't go into a house without permission, but I don't think that is explained in the movie. (severe) We are told that the time bomb's explosion will be dangerous, but when it explodes, everyone in the area is completely fine WITH NO EXPLANATION. There is so much more, but these are the ones that bothered me the most (and the ones I want to vent about), all in all, made the lightning thief look like a cinematic master piece.