Patrick Muller

One leading review on this album, with 5 stars, said that ‘no one sings like her’. And he’s right, simply because nobody should EVER be trying to sound like her. Throughout the whole album, the music is not only generic and derivative, but the songwriting is abysmal, not bothering to expand on emotions (see the lyrics to ‘Lonely’) or even create deeper meaning with their lyrics. On some tracks - namely the closer, Bars (RIP T), which should be a MEMORIAL FOR A DEAD FRIEND - the lyrics have no bearing whatsoever to the thematic being pushed (I mean, the main line is “Bars, bars, f*cking cars, aeroplanes, deep massage”, seriously?). The fact that a song commemorating a dead friend is led with that line would be funny if we didn’t remember that somebody has their name linked to this dumpster fire of an album. In terms of musicality itself, WTTM begins with a sort of theatrecore vibe - which is enough of a failure in itself - before transitioning to maddeningly derivative pop production which emphasises the lack of authenticity and soul in this album. Now, while the combination of poorly-executed thematics and bad production would make for a 2/10 album at the very least, what seals the deal is the singing. As I said earlier, one of the top reviews here says that nobody sings like Tones and I. That’s completely true, because why would anyone want to sound like a cat being strangled in an alleyway? Fantano’s description of her vocals as the quality of ‘an American Idol blooper reel’ is no less than clear as day throughout this whole album. Her singing takes the lack of soul in this album and makes it truly unlistenable. In summary, Welcome to the Madhouse is true in name - if I EVER have to listen to this again, I will check myself into a mental asylum and live with Hannibal f*cking Lecter for all eternity. Most crucially, this album emphasises Tones and I’s biggest flaw: she has no ability to recognise what is good and bad about her music. I would not wish this upon anybody ever, and I feel that my life has been made worse knowing this abysmal piece of ‘music’ exists.