John Sansone

Nothing about this was overly good. There are about 6 different subplots all happening at the same time, insanely unlikely events occurring one after the other simply for the sake of entertainment, and a group of people who keep miraculously running into each other at precisely the right time over and over and over. I actively cringed at least a dozen times at how cheesy the dialogue and events were. The original Jurassic Park has been my favorite movie nearly my whole life and I had high hopes going into this. I'm just pretend this film never happened.

Someone had the idea to dress Aubrey Plaza as a nun and let her run around a monastery to see what she would do, which was...oddly hilarious? Unsurprisingly, it resulted in witchcraft, obscene swearing, and a donkey that goes missing every morning. I'm not sure if there's much of a plot but I'm not sure it needed one either 🤷