Jesus Christ

This suuuucckkked! I'm told this review has to be at least 30 characters. THIS SSSUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKED!!!!!

Some people are getting waaay too upset about this movie. It's called suspension of disbelief. If you can do that, you can enjoy the movie. Are there plot holes big enough to fly a 747 through? Yes. Did I care? Honestly, maybe a little, but not much. Some people want an escape from reality, while others get bent out of shape if every scenario isn't 100% realistic. I kinda float somewhere in the middle. If you can overlook the movies flaws (which at times can be significant), you're in for a heluva ride. Packed with action and tense suspense, it kept me glued to my seat, even during the parts where I thought "Do you really expect me to believe that?".

Imagine if you ate a copy of Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, Peewee's Playhouse, a bad 70's porn flick and a bunch of peyote, then vomited it all into a bowl and created a stage musical out of it. Obviously someone will like it. I am not one of those people.

Long story short; this is a smart movie for the uneducated, or a dumb, but reasonably entertaining, movie for those with even mild interest in science and technology. And believe me folks, I ain’t no genius. There’s a lot of exposition done through Morgan Freeman’s character in the beginning which felt exactly like what it really was; a shortcut to get the viewer up to speed on what was about to happen in the rest of the movie. So, when those things happen, there is no surprise or mystery. You just kinda think, “that’s what Morgan was talking about”. I think it would’ve been better to just let us experience the story as it happened. I love Morgan Freeman, but, aside from this exposition, his character doesn’t “really” need to be in the movie. And since the exposition wasn’t really necessary, well… you know what I’m getting at. You can read other reviews for plot details. Let’s just say you’ll have to suspend disbelief if you want to enjoy this movie. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t buy it either.

I thought this movie was hilarious. Granted, there are a few parts that are really dumb, but they are far outweighed by the funny parts. For every dumb scene there are at least five others that will have you rolling.

I just finished this movie. I will admit that there is some cheesy acting by a few of the actors, particularly at the beginning. Despite this, the story keeps you locked in for the duration. I can’t think of a way to make a synopsis of this film without doing it a serious injustice. It was also interesting to see William Katt (aka The Greatest American Hero) again.

Chainsaws, acid cult, blood, ultra-violence, death, fire, girl with freaky eyes and a scar, blood, crossbow, custom-made all chrome pick-axe thingy, snippets of animation, blood, a tiger, frontal male nudity, a black guy for a couple minutes, torture, nightmares, revenge, planets... oh, and blood. That’s what this movie is about. It was great...I think...it’s been a year now and I’m still coming to grips with it.

As an 80s metalhead myself, I liked Motley Crüe well enough in their early years, so I don’t have a beef with the band themselves. That being said, this movie was bad. Cheesy writing, cheesy acting. The script seemed like it was written by a group of 16 year old boys. To be honest, that’s pretty much what I expected going in, so, in that sense, I guess it wasn’t a complete letdown. I will admit that I got a misty-eyed during the scene when Vince Neil’s daughter died, but that had more to do with my ability to empathize than it did the actor’s ability to... well... act. It also had to do with the little actress who played his daughter. She was easily the best out of the whole cast. I would love to see her in other things. All in all, I wouldn’t say it’s the worst movie ever, but it’s not good.

Reminiscent of Die Hard (with it’s penchant for violence, blood and broken glass), and Game of Death, with the protagonist meeting ever greater challenges while literally ascending to each new level. I found this movie enjoyable.

This definitely had me thinking of Clive Barker’s Hellraiser movies, which is by no means a bad thing. Bodies morphed into horrific creatures, portals to other dimensions, cults, gore. If you like a good old fashioned horror movie, you’ve come to the right spot.